I was watching Grey’s Anatomy, because it’s the greatest show of all time, and something happened. In the episode, the main character, Meredith Grey, suffered a trauma to point that it took her a while to regain her motor skills. She couldn’t talk because of the wires in her mouth, but could hear and move her arms. She was obviously in a compromising position in her recovery stage but finally got to a point where her three kids were going to be brought into the room to see her. When her daughter Zola walked in and saw her mom she didn’t step through the door and told Dr. Robins “No, I don’t want to” when she was encouraged to hug her.  Meredith could hold her baby for just a second before it started crying. The baby and Zola were taken out of the room and Meredith began to cry.

The second Meredith cried, I also started crying alone in my room. Why? Because I witnessed my sister go through the same thing. Over the summer our two-year-old cousin visited us and wouldn’t go near Katie. When my aunt tried to get her to play with Katie she started crying into my aunt’s chest, saying, “she’s scary” in reference to Katie’s buff-less head. Katie left the room in tears, tripped as she was storming off, and cried into her arms on the floor. My heart broke when I saw my older sister, one of my biggest role models, in such a position. Seeing the Grey’s Anatomy episode brought that memory and those emotions back.

Sometimes that happens, I break down. I obviously think about Katie non-stop throughout the day, but, as my family can definitely attest to, I don’t express my emotions well and like to keep things bottled up. Yet, you can only keep everything bottled up for so long. When I see an old picture of Katie enjoying college at IU, I cry. When I hear someone complaining about irrelevant drama, I get angry at them. Or when I see Love Your Melon hats being sold on campus, I get extremely emotional.

As a third party observer, it is hard to handle someone else’s cancer and the struggles that come with it. Being at college, trying to study and enjoy myself is also hard. I often feel helpless and guilty in such a situation. I feel selfish when I want to tell my sister about nights out, boys I have a crush on, or friends I’ve made; because I don’t want to make her feel like she’s missing out. I feel guilty asking her if she likes a dress I found online, while she sometimes can’t even fit into my mom’s clothes. Scheduling conflicts happen way too often. I would love to go home all the time, but sometimes Katie just needs to rest and other times I have homework. I don’t know the answer to the question, “what can I do to help?” and, frankly, I don’t think Katie knows the answer to that either.

I think the answer to the question is to just be there with her; and, although I can’t be physically present with Katie sometimes, I can be emotionally with her by keeping her in my thoughts and prayers. One time my high school class was presented with a social experiment to call the most influential person in our lives. Showing gratitude to someone you love is a way to inspire happiness in that person and yourself. We did it in front of the class and every phone call ended in tears—tears of happiness, of love. This class social experiment was done three years ago. I called Katie, and I would call Katie again.

People get lost in this bubble when they are in college and I don’t think they show love to the most important people in their lives—I know I have a hard time doing it. I think just showing someone you care is enough. Forget about how Greek life is getting in trouble, the wi-fi where you live is shitty, and the upcoming date party that you “have nothing to wear to” is making you pay for express shipping. Get on your cellphone that you stare at every five seconds and CALL THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE.

I want to encourage everyone to find a minute and show gratitude to someone by giving that person a quick call. It will likely not last long because, if you’re like me and Katie, you won’t be able to talk because you’ll cry too hard.

Katie is, with no doubt in my mind, the most influential person in my life. I want to use this post to also thank her. She has shown to not worry about the stupid shit people care about and to focus on what matters most—love.

– Morgan