While most people look at cancer as being a battle between a person and their body, it also includes a battle between a person and their mind. Yes, I still spend most days puking or suffering from a never before felt type of pain, but I would argue that it is harder for me to combat the ideas and misconceptions that my mind comes up with. For example, I would accept all the pain this has thrown at me instead of having to deal with accepting the physical changes that are so apparent when I look in the mirror. A thousand and one people can call me beautiful but I will still think of myself as either a fat Lord Voldemort, the bully with the skull shirt from Toy Story, or one of those monsters that scares away two year olds. It seems pretty self-centered to only talk about my appearance, but my mind is also battling with accepting the changes to my life as well. While all of my friends are getting to drink their way into graduation next spring I am a college dropout forced to lay in a hospital bed each week.
There are an endless list of the reasons why cancer sucks and I could list them all but I wanted to use this more to explain how much of a fight my mind has to endure on top of the physical strains. Also, it isn’t only cancer that this occurs. To put it in perspective, if you were a golfer and you could take a practice run through eighteen but choke on the same course during a tournament that is a perfect example of needing to face your mind’s instinct to get nervous during competitive events. I know that isn’t a perfect example but there are many a ways in which you have to combat your physical injuries and mental thoughts in the real world and we should all be prepared to put up the good fight regardless of our circumstances.
Cancer is Stupid 
Gpa here….
Kiddo, you certainly have put this in perspective for all of us. Frankly, my experience is that life is typically a battle between the circumstances you are faced with and how your mind deals with those circumstances.
I won’t bore you with a bunch of “feel good” crap about mind over matter, “if you think you can you can”, or other happy thoughts that we are subjected to on a very regular basis. You’re old enough to have heard all of these many, many times.
Glass is half empty, glass is half full? Spare me this crap. You’ve been dealt a really crummy hand and now it’s all about figuring out how to best deal with it.
OK, you’re distorted. You don’t look like Katie from a few months ago. As a guy I know I’ll never appreciate just how important appearance is to women. If I did I would be more tolerant when Gma takes so damn long to fix herself up just to go to the grocery store. The grocery store for Christ’s sake!
You’re also at a disadvantage because of your age. Once you get to be our age you realize that God simply doesn’t give a shit how many wrinkles you have or needs to be bothered with all your parts that are sagging or slowly deteriorating before your eyes. You may find this hard to believe, but you’re actually lucky – you’ll eventually get your good looks an svelte body back. Gma and me are goners.
Options? Face it, it’s all about continuing the fight. Not giving up. Not giving in. And that my little pickle is going to be your toughest battle. That’s where you MUST get your mind set to beat this beast.
I know missing graduation and all the activities that entails is tearing you up, but it is what it is. There’s simply no magic wand that will bring this back. I suspect coping with this is a big part of the challenge you’re dealing with. And I have no wisdom, no comforting words that will make the hurt you feel in losing this better.
Well, maybe a few thoughts: You are so loved by so many. If life had not thrown this beast in your way I am certain that you would never have known just how loved you are. Never suspected just how much people love you or pray for you.
Cancer has also shown you the bright essence and meaning of true friendship. Yea, you had a lot of friends at IU, but you really didn’t know just how good these friends were. How much they cared for you. How much they admired you. How much they truly loved you.
You’ll get through this. Some days will just be magnum sucky, some borderline happy-happy, some black. But you’ll get through.
Doubts? You betcha. But if you focus on the good and accept the bad then you’ll be just fine. You’ll win in the end. Focus on that and everything else will fall into place.
I love you so much.
Peace, Love, and Fuck Cancer,
Gpa
LikeLike
I don’t think I can follow after your grandpas post but I am so proud of you and so proud to call you my friend. From the day I met you have been thrown so many curveballs and dodged each and every one with a smile on your face. I love you so much and I am so proud of you for taking this curveball just like you did with every other one. Your path may have a few more bends in it but there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Keep on keeping on my girl
LikeLike
And how could I forget…
Peace, love and FUCK CANCER baby girl ❤
LikeLike
Gpa (again) here….
Everyone should watch this link:
PLFC,
Gpa
LikeLike