I haven’t been having the best couple of weeks due to feeling like complete shit or spending hours laying on the bathroom floor just to be close to a toilet. As you can tell my days are jam packed with a lot of fun activities to keep myself busy!!! Anyway, I was having a conversation with my doctor when she explained her belief that being in your early twenties and having cancer is the hardest age. I agree completely with that statement. You see, my original “plan” was to graduate next year and then move out of my house because that’s the normal thing to do. However, my life is at a standstill and instead of following this path to adulthood it’s almost as if I am taking ten steps backwards because I have a common childhood cancer and am being treated at a children’s hospital. Instead of going out to the bars and hanging out with my friends I am connected to an IV that’s putting chemo in my body. Instead of getting ready to move out and start looking for a job I am unable to even walk down the stairs without help in case I make a tumble. I have a blockage in my “plan” and it took me up until now to realize that your plan can be whatever the fuck you want it to be.
After wallowing in self pity for a couple of weeks I started asking myself why we all think we need to follow this pre-set path to be happy in life. This “plan” that is ingrained in everyone’s minds is that they have to graduate high school, get into a good college, graduate college, get a job, move out, get married, start a family, and send your kids to school to fiollow an identical path. So why do we all get anxious when there is a road black in this plan?
We have to accept that our paths are not predetermined and we need to learn how to take the punches as they come and go with the flow. What’s wrong with taking a gap year to explore, travel, and just do the things that you love. It took cancer to make me realize that life can be cut short and we need to do things that we love in order to make us happy. My “plan”looks like a scratched out, ripped up mess but I have the opportunity to truly find myself all because of this damn cancer. What will it take for you to realize the same thing?Ā
– Katie
Cancer is Stupid 
Katie,
I know your adorable fun mom. I think of you and pray for you often. Your courage and humility in your posts makes me want to be a better person. i just want to share that your “Wow” post really hit home. So Just wanted you to know that I had 2 very simple but special “Wow” moments today. Thank you for reminding us to enjoy and embrace every moment. I am going to work very hard to have a “Wow” moment each day and I will thank you and pray for you each time. Hugs Mrs. Recker
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Katie-
I’m an old lady, but your plan seems a OK to me. I haven’t experienced the type of cancer you have but have had just a “few” medical issues myself. Nothing ever goes as we plan or want it to. I guess I have had to learn to live in the moment and accept those good moments as the best.
Easy for me to say, but hang in there. What you have realized at your age takes most of us years to find out. I pray for you many times a day. You give that cancer hell and then travel or whatever rocks your boat at the time.
Mrs. Blase
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Gpa here……
Perhaps plans and planning are highly overrated. At times they can drive creativity, but my experience is that all too often they suppress it. “We’ve got to stick to the plan” seems a good way to herd the cattle more than drive our creativity. Plans can be a great thing in making sure those you love are provided for in case you check out sooner than later, but overall highly overrated.
Yea, I have been known to plan. I think that’s human nature. But here’s a secret: If my plans don’t work out as i “planned” I don’t worry. Again: I don’t worry. I think this is what you are discovering: Plans that don’t work out can lead to opportunity.
Every night when I go to bed I am fine if I don’t wake up in the morning IF I can answer yes to the following questions:
Did I have a good time? Did I not hurt anyone? Did I somehow make this world just a little bit better than when I arrived here? And did I love with all my heart my wife, my family, my friends, and many strangers?
Katie, I think you may be realizing that life is an adventure, not a script. Not a journey laid out, but a journey into an exciting unknown. There will be heartache, pain, disappointment, and angst. But there will also be times when amazing things will happen. Things that just crop up. Spontaneous events, happenings, situations, and amazing love. This is what you will remember.
You know I love you and want to see you cancer free more than anything else in the world. But in the meantime don’t sit on your ass and wait for that plan to work it’s way through your life. Every second you do so is a second squandered. It is lost forever.
The only thing “pre-set” in your life, or anyone’s life for that matter, is what we relegate to that status in our won minds.
Watch a weird movie, drink and eat something you have never tried before, read some books on subjects that you never would have considered, or anything else that is as yet “unplanned”. You will be amazed at the path this will lead to.
You know I love you and will be anxious to hear of all your new adventures!
Peace, Love, and Fuck Cancer.
Love,
Gpa
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Roadblocks sometimes lead to bigger and better plans. You are doing an amazing job, Katie, and I’m proud of you. I’ll be back soon, my friend š
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Hey Katie, just dropping by to send encouragement. Sounds like a tough few weeks but keep fighting. Your here and that’s what matters. You will get through I just know it. Love all the Hills, and know that Lauren is watching down I am sure of it. Hang tough kiddo and if we can be of any help let us know, don’t be shy we will find time to help!!
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Katie,
Coming from someone, who has literally lived their life by the seat of their pants as I tend to do, I couldn’t agree with this more. Now I am not saying that you should never have a plan, work toward a specific goal or any of that. It is good to have goals, dreams and ambitions. It is also good to let those things motivate you to reach a place of achievement and pride. However to let the plan control every aspect of your life and not allow you to fully become who you were meant to be, well that is no bueno.
Life has a tendency to throw us curve balls, put road blocks in our way, and force us to make tough decisions whether we think we are ready for them or not, boom there they are. Now not that I am some Bhuddist monk or hell have more knowledge or wisdom than other people that have made comments on your blog let alone the rest of the world. I have been afforded many opportunities to not only experience a lot of what the world has to offer both negative and positive, and have gained a unique perspective on how things work. From my experience it is in those times that we either let those things stop us from accomplishing our goals, motivates us to push through to great success, or shoots us down a completely different path.
I know you may not see it, but from my perspective although what you are going through is a terrible thing, and I wish no one would ever have to suffer such a curse. I just wanted to let you know that I know I am not alone in saying that you are truly an inspiration, and a reminder that yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift which is why it is called the present.
Live life to its fullest, take challenges head on, and know that you have an incredible support system behind you…
Peace, Love, and Fuck Cancer…
P.s. I don’t know if the PLFC was all your idea, but I love it so catchy, gritty and straight to the truth…
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Katie – continue to follow your blog & pray for you.
Leukemia survivor
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PREEEEEAAAACCCCCCHH! š
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Certainly something good to learn early in life. Wish you weren’t learning it this hard way, but you will certainly view life differently when this cancer crap is all over as a result. We continue to pray for you.
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Hi Katie!
My name’s Amy – I’m a senior in AXO at IU. I don’t think we’ve met before, but one of your sisters posted the link to your blog on her Facebook page. I started reading through some of your posts and this one especially hit home. I don’t know what it feels like to have cancer, but I am having a ton of physical health problems of my own. For about five months I haven’t been able to lift anything, exercise, or practically drive a car because the tendons and nerves my shoulders, arms and wrists have started going numb! As of about 2.5 months ago, I lost most of my ability to walk (and I’m still trying to figure out what the heck is wrong). I struggle getting from a handicap parking spot to the room where my classes are located.
I’ve been trying not to feel bad for myself, count my blessings and i’ve tried to change my perspective. And then I came across your post, and I just wanted to thank you for all of your positive thoughts! They help me keep my mind in check and to remember that “set-backs” in life aren’t really set backs at all. They’re simply a reminder that life can change at any moment, and it’s up to us to change the way we handle the situations that come our way. We’re blessed to have this life
It’s inspiring to see you pushing through everything. You are a fighter, and the world needs more people like you. Continue to stay positive and know that you have a positive influence on so many people. š
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