Yesterday I cut my hair and realized that this is real. At first I felt as if I was giving into the cancer, letting it overcome me, and take over who I am as a person. For some, losing your hair wouldn’t be a big deal. I mean there are people who grow their hair out just to cut it every couple of years and donate it to a better cause…I have never been that person. I am the conceited asshole who refused to let go of the one part of myself that I liked. My hair has been my source of confidence and security for my entire life. It’s my main physical attribute that never fails to get compliments, gives me split ends to play with and twirl when I am bored, and lets me hide my face when I am trying to sleep in public. I know these are stupid and annoyingly girlie reasons for liking my hair but I can’t control how this makes me feel and if I want to be upset about my hair then damnit I’m going to bitch about my hair (and when you have cancer you get free passes on things like this).
Anyway, I began my morning by mourning in the shower for a good forty-five minutes as I washed my long locks for the last time in a long time. I was emotional and it was weird. You see, I haven’t let this cancer make me upset because I figured it’s only going to go downhill from here so I need to treat the beginning with a more optimistic outlook or the rest of this whole treatment time is really going to suck. So basically I knew it was going to be a bad day since I was actually crying for once.
Moving on, seeing my stylist that’s been cutting my hair since I was five, having to put my hair in the ponytail, and then listening to the five minutes of snips and chops was the worst. It felt like the beginning of the end. I was making my first of the many sacrifices that cancer is going to force me into. On top of all this, you would think getting the whole ordeal over with would be a relief and I should have looked in the mirror with amazement about how I am a changed person and finally able to accept that I am willing to begin this “journey to recovery”. Well, if you can imagine, that is not what happened. I looked int he mirror and cried some more. I hated it. In fact, I still hate this short hair. I am angry and I hate that cancer is only going to keep taking things away from me. This is real and it’s miserable.
I know I have tried to stay positive through these posts since “attitude is everything” and I’m sure I will get there but today is not that day. Sorry for the upbeat and inspirational post!!!!
 
Cancer is Stupid 
I LOVE the haircut!! Seriously it really emphasizes your eyes!! BEAUTIFUL!!!
Step 2…Anger…get angry..get pissed..HATE cancer!! I hate cancer!! You can do this!! FIGHT!!!
Be Strong, Be You!!
PL&FC
♥
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Hey its just hair… It will grow back and with it an even stronger resolve to get through this.
Even though it is trying and can wear on you a positive attitude can go along way… At least you now know you don’t wanna be Sinead O’Connor or pull a Brittney in the future lol you got this keep your head up!!!
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I know your hair was your favorite thing about yourself. But there’s hundreds of other things people see in you that they find more beautiful than your hair. And for what it’s worth, I think your hair looks the prettiest it’s looked because it shows your strength and courage that many people do not and will not ever have. Getting rid of your hair, your gaurd, shows everyone the real you–and the real you is beautifully powerful. PL&Fuck cancer
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Such I great comment by M
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I love you KT. You are allowed to be pissed. I’m pretty pissed too! I know you miss your hair, but I miss your face!
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Hi Katie – two notes, my sister’s hair grew back more thick and beautiful than before. My favorite part of you has always been your smile – you smile w your eyes and are beautiful. PS – I love your blogs. You are an excellent writer. I really mean that :). You might want to think about writing children’s books – for young children and teenagers. Luv you lady. John, Matthew, Michael, Eli and I are praying every day. You got this !!!!
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You are a beautiful girl, with our without long hair! I really love the hair cut!
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Hey Katie I’m a friend of Tom and Dixie. I was talking to Tom at the cigar store Friday about you. He was telling me that you are a carbon copy of him so you get a cup of coffee and put a cigar in your mouth and Kick cancers Fucking Ass 😎
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Once again, your beauty lies within. Rough days are permitted you know.
And you probably don’t wish to hear this but, it is a beautiful cut and makes those piercing eyes just “pop” on a already beautiful lady. Hang tough my dear, stay strong and reinforcements are already there to make you laugh. Yeah Grampa!! He will give you his best as he always does. Love you. Go kick some a** today.
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hey
the less hair the more we see that beautiful face!!
and it’s not the hair it’s underneath that what’s important.
keep the faith!
grts Gunther
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Katie-you look beautiful!
There is an uncanny resemblance with you and the actress Kathryn Prescott of Finding Carter, check it out tomorrow on MTV.
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Your courageous spirit is intact and cannot be touched 🙂
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Hi Katie – from what I’ve read so far you’ve got the heart to get thru this. We re thinking about you praying for you. My daughter Liz told me about you, she’s Nick H’s friend. I went thru treatment for acute leukemia 20 yrs ago. You can to, stay feisty….
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Katie Kates… You are absolutely beautiful and I have to say… Your beauty is way deeper than hair!!! You are and have always been so radiant. I look up to you my dear. I know I’ve told you that over the past few years. You have no idea how much this Aunt of yours loves you and respects you. You are a fighter…. Fuck all this shit. Cancer is just that it’s fucking stupid shit… Go fight this beast with your beauty, courage, spirit!!!
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if u get bald u gunna rock the look better than Amber Rose and Brittney Spears in 2007. own it kill it my G !!!!
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You look beautiful with or without hair!!
Stay strong Katie!!! I’m thinking of you<3
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Katie, I never did like feeling out of control. Cancer took being in control of many things away from me. But I could control the loss of my hair. When you’re going to go bald in front of your students, it’s not just about you. Once I started chemo, I got my hair cut short for a week or so, then went back and got a buzz cut. I actually liked it. When I started shedding like a cat or dog, my husband shaved my head. Saved me gobs of time and money. I was a twice a week customer at the salon, and a twice a month dye job on top of that. My hair has grown back, snow white and poker straight. I get lots of compliments, but would never have had the guts to do this if I had the choice. Enjoy the break from your hair routine. As I read in the comments, your hair WILL grow back.
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Ok, the first time I met you I thought you were terribly sweet and absolutely beautiful (as you always will be) but your hair was not the stand out at all to me– it was the fire, twinkle and passion in your eyes! Combined with your amazing smile…it was just a semblance of what is in your soul… Your true beauty shinging/escaping out of you! When your chemo is done your hair will return as my Mom’s did…. But know that is not what makes you beautiful. YOU make you beautiful, the woman inside. Sending you love, hugs, kisses and never ending prayers. I cry so hard when I read your posts as it is all so close very close to home, but you never cease to inspire me with your honesty and transparency that is refreshing and inspiring– the beautiful way you shove your mantra of “be thankful and live while you can!” So heartfelt into our faces!! 🙂 your words are hitting their marks! XOXOXO
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Katie you are beautiful sweetheart! No matter what! I really love your new haircut! Sassy…..just like you! Keep shinning Katie, your spirit is bright. I love you honey oxoxox
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Hi katie, although I don’t personally know you, being a student at indiana university involved in Greek life it is always sad to hear of other students who are undergoing difficult situations. I just want to say that I have been keeping up with your blog because not only does it inspire me but because I pray for you to overcome this everyday. Your optimism, attitude, and amazing outlook in this situation is so awesome to me. You are my hero. I can say with all honestly that I have great hope for your recovery and I, along with every other student at IU, know you will get through this. You look beautiful with your new hair, I could never pull it off like you are and I give you mad props for that. As I said before I know that we do not know eachotjer but I just want you to know you have my support and prayers and will continue to throughout this process. I just wanted you to know how much you have affected me with this blog and although im sure you already know, you are one strong individual and that is so fucking awesome. I will continue to read your blog and I pray that even on your lowest days you continue to shine your gorgeous light. I send you all my love (not in a creepy way since we don’t know eachother) and you can do this! Peace and love and fuck cancer! I believe in you!
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Hi Katie!
I agree with all these other people: Your real beauty is inside. That personality of yours makes your eyes sparkle and your warm smile friendly to everyone you meet. Hair is grossly over-rated, girlfriend! You have the prettiest face with or without a hairdo and that comes from within. Keep your chin up! You Got This!! Big Hugs, Sweetheart!!!
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