Do you have to be woken up every couple of hours each night to take vitals and have nurses
prod at the device in your chest to get blood? No? Be thankful. Are you ever forced to sit in your room in isolation because you have cancer and you just got a fever so being exposed to anything outside of your small hospital room could be potentially dangerous? Be thankful. Have you ever had to measure every single time you go to the bathroom and then tell the nurses personal details you never thought anyone would care about before? What about having to talk to ten different, random people per day to discuss the most in-depth details about your body and your health? Be thankful. Lastly, have you ever had to sit in a hospital talking to your nurse about the seven little kids they’ve taken care of who have passed away from cancer since they started working on this floor in October? No again? Be thankful.
The cancer floor, while so many miracles and inspiring stories are founded right around me each day, is also home to some of the most depressing and saddening cases throughout the entire hospital. There are little two-year old laying on their death-bed down the hall while nineteen year old boys with aspirations to live a normal life are being told that their bone cancer is bad enough in one leg that it has to be removed. I mean really? This is bullshit.
What have any of these kids done to deserve all of this shit? I’m not saying I think any child should have to go through this but I have yet to see a cancer kid that isn’t adorable and is living their life in here like it’s the end of the road. There is so much promise and fight to each child here and I hate that because these are the two, five, seven years olds that shouldn’t be holed up in a hospital but should be running around at recess with their friends and eating ice cream cones and candy that’s fallen on the ground. I guess that’s life for ya, huh?
Update on cancer: Today I am going to receive my second full round of chemo. I guess this one can cause reactions in most patients who get it so I have to be both pre-medicated to prepare for some random reaction and a nurse will stand over me throughout the IV process and check my vitals every ten minutes. Can’t wait!!!! Anyway, I basically take a pharmacy’s amount of medicine each morning and evening because when you have cancer they like shoving all kinds of pills into your body. One of these is steroids. Now, contrary to popular belief, the steroids are not meant to keep me buff and fit while sitting on my ass for a month (one can only hope). Instead, their sole purpose is to decrease the size of my enlarged, scary looking lymph modes while increasing the puffy, chubbiness of my face (hello soon to be bald chubby baby!!!!). Those are the only meds causing my trouble at the moment since my jaw hurts constantly and for some reason I’m always nauseous, but I guess that’s all part of cancer! Wooooh!
Update on my hair (lol) : I am still in denial but I have made the executive decision to cut my hair shorter this Saturday and dye it fun colors so that when it falls out in the next few weeks it wont be too traumatic. So if anyone has any short hair cuts or funny scarves they’ve seen I am open to suggestions. I’m sure I will no longer be in denial when those scissors chop through the long hair I have taken so much pride in (did I ever mention before how much cancer sucks?)
Update on Family: Everyone, (Dad, Morgan, and myself included) seem to be in denial about everything going on since we can’t seem to stop making jokes and talking like none of this is real. I guess Mom and Nathan are the only two taking this seriously and getting upset about what I’m going through and looking realistically about what all this treatment means for myself and my health in.
Update on my nurses: I’m sure if all my guy friends visited here they would be in heaven since each and every single one of my nurses is young (twenty-three) and adorable. My favorite is Jenn. Jenn doesn’t treat me like a regular patient, she follows me and makes jokes and always knows when I need to laugh or when I am having a hard time. I don’t like making her cocky so I don’t tell her that I go tot he nurses station the nights before she works the next day to request her, but I can’t risk having some other nurse that signed up to take care of cute little five-year olds but ended up with the obnoxious twenty-one year old patient.
Not sure this is up to par with other posts I’ve made but seriously the pressure I have to be funny and make these entertaining is a lot more than I signed up for! Thanks for reading the boring trials and tribulations of life with leukemia.
Peace, Love, & Fuck Cancer
– Katie
Cancer is Stupid 
Hi Katie! I read your blog everyday and am so grateful to have updates on your journey! You are so right in that cancer sucks and pediatric cancer is just wrong! But one thing that I am thankful for is getting to know you! I’m sure you are a blessing to everyone on the floor of that hospital just as you were an instant blessing to those kids in Haiti! We will all be praying for you today during this rough spot in the journey! Can’t wait to see your sassy new haircut! Love you!
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Good morning, Katie (though it doesn’t sound like that good of a morning for you, sorry about all that). This is Jane Gerhardt. You may remember Charlie from IHM and the Villa. Saw your mom’s fb post. I wanted to be one more voice letting you know that there are prayers out there for you. (Though with 12,774 blog hits, I think you already know that!)
I’ve had Charlie light a candle for you in Rome. While he’s an atheist, he did it on my behalf, and I’m not, so that should counteract his wacky vibes. So now you’ve got prayers going up for you from the other side of the globe. Being nearer to the Pope should count for something.
All my best to you during your battle. Fight on.
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Can confirm, nurses are total babes. hahaha love you Katie
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Katie, I got hooked on your blog faster than House of Cards, and I don’t think I’m alone. Praying for you every day!
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Good Morning Katie –
Saying a prayer that today will be the best it actually can be for you and knowing it is a journey you would rather not take. But I know you have a fantastic nurse that makes you smile and laugh when you can.
But on the upswing, I can not wait to see or hear of your hair colors. I thought of my Granddaughter Lily who sometimes tests those. Knowing your creative and bold style you have it under control. Fight ON! Be strong when you can and maybe be gentle with yourself when you cannot be so strong. You are so loved Katie. So many hits on your blog too. They are not boring Katie. Hang in there sweet lady.
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Gpa here….
Kiddo, it’s tough. And it will get tougher. You know that. If i could trade places with you I would do it in a heartbeat. You know that too. Right?
What can I say? All the blubbery stuff like I love you, you’re my “carbon copy in a female body”, you’re tough, or maybe “hang in there”? All true but basically bullshit when you’re going through all this and I’m sitting here in Hooterville hoping grandma brings by some lunch.
Even as ancient as I am I’m at a loss for words of wisdom that will make all this seem better. You would think that someone my age would be able to provide some sort of “life experience” stories that would put all of this in perspective, but it just ain’t there.
So, kiddo, this is all up to you. And there are going to be some bad days. Some very, very bad days. That’s the bad news. The good news is I know you. You, my outspoken little princes, are one tough cookie. Tough as nails. And you have never been, nor will you ever be a quitter. That’s what will get you through this.
OK, now for some bullshit: I LOVE you. More than you will ever know or even imagine. You are me, just 46 years younger. We (you) can do this. We all have choices. Glass half empty or half full. Good day or bad day. Happy or sad. Positive or negative. It’s really up to you.
Fuck Cancer!
Gpa
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Thanks for your comments Gpa. They never fail to make me smile and my friends all find you hilarious as well!
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Aww. Come on I have to live with your Gpa, he really is something, I will never forget that rock I found him under all those years ago,,,
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Hi Katie
I check your carepages and read your blog everyday.I want to share some wisdom or words of comfort but I just find myself speechless and struggling to know what to say that hasnt been said or will be said to you a thousand times during your race.I know you will win and that it will forever change you in so many ways. You are on my mind day and night.I tossed and turned last night thinking of you wondering if you were sleeping or hurting
or scared.I still have no words.Im rambling here just know I love you and know your Mom will be by your side and match you step for step til you cross the finish line free of Cancer !! I will all be cheering you on from the sidelines sweetie !!!
Love Aunt Debbie
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Katie,
I have not met Grandpa but I can tell you he is a stud, correct and full of wisdom. We are big Katie fans and know, as grandpa points out, you’re a fighter and a winner. Just know, your fan base is huge! Pierre
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My beautiful grand daughter, I find all I get done is reading and rereading this blog I found, Cancers Stupid. I still cannot believe that I am not asleep, when I wake up this will just be a bad dream. Of course I know this not a bad dream only reality, we have to accept this diagnosis, just so you know Gma here is a little angry my grand daughter has to. Go through this ! Now that’s how I feel.
On the subject of hair loss. You are beautiful with or without hair, your beauty is deep inside of you. The hair is just a bonus we all take pride in. The hair will grow back, and you will still be the very caring loving girl I love.
What is important for you to know is how many people all over the world are praying for you. Just a perk for you, we have a friend in Europe who will admit he is not a praying man, but the Catherdral that sits 400 feet above the village has candle burning in your honor,, he is now a praying man.
I want you to know I will be right beside you, every step you take on this journey to be Cancer Free..
Just know how much you are loved!
Peace Love and Fuck Cancer
Gma
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I’ll spare you what I know, since as you no doubt have finally found out, everyone has a cancer story. As you say, you own yours and thank you for sharing it. I will say that having lost my mother to it when I was 17 did not compare to the pain I experienced when my 26 year old daughter was diagnosed with that same breast cancer. She just did her last post infusion and as of yesterday was given her “cancer free” button after almost a two year ordeal, still having to face reconstruction surgery and fertility issues. Worse yet, she found out she had cancer about two weeks after getting married.
So yes, cancer sucks, fuck cancer…and a positive attitude keeps you going in the right direction. I’m a frequent customer of Grandpa and love talking to your Grandma, so they shared this blog with me. You are a fantastic writer by the way. Cheers! David
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I’ll spare you gory details, because as you now know, everyone has a cancer story. But as you say, you own yours alone. I will share that having lost my mother to cancer when I was only 17 paled in comparison to finding out that my then 26 year old daughter was diagnosed with the same cancer only two weeks after her wedding. Almost two years later she had her last post chemo infusion to build up her immune system, received her “cancer free” button, has hair again (although it came in thicker and black instead of brown), and now still has reconstruction surgery to face this summer and fertility issues as she tries to start a family.
As you say, fuck cancer…cancer sucks. I’m a frequent customer of your Grandpa and love talking to your Grandma at the shop, so they shared your blog with me. I will say you are a great writer, so keep it up and you might have something here to build on later.
Cheers! (and you’re in my thoughts and prayers)
David
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Hi Katie,
I am a friend of your parents and he’s always spoken so proudly of you!
Stay strong and keep up the positive attitude during this beating cancer journey.
Keeping my thoughts with you during this difficult time and you’ll see that you will get better real soon! F*Cancer, you are an inspiration and through this blog you’ll be helping a lot of people around you, great initiative.
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Keeping you constantly in my prayers, cancer fucking sucks. Please know you have people all over praying for you, and the power of prayer is real and miraculous. Have you ever meditated? This would be a good time to try if you have the desire and strength. You have one strong mom and I know the 2 of you can get you through this treatment and on to the healing and remission side.
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I know you’re really great with children. I bet God will use you in a powerful way there. You don’t have to always be funny. Just be real. Be Katie. You’re awesome! I love you.
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Katie,
I miss you and your mom. I was doing my homework and realized I hadn’t read your blog yet. It is amazing just like you. I remember meeting you for the very first time at Mother Bears (you looked beautiful), and freshman year I remember taking you there every time we ate because Gresham sucked and it is the best pizza in Bloomington. Although, we did meet before when you spent the night at our house in Atlanta and I made you watch the grudge. Yes, the name you have given me is appropriate and making you watch the grudge is good evidence to why it’s appropriate. Reading this gives me motivation and makes me remember your smile and laugh. Everyday I think about you and pray every night. Mel and I will see you soon and hopefully we will be able to watch some baseball or go to a Reds game!
Love you and Fuck Cancer!
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